A few days ago—well, I guess technically it’s already been a few weeks—an anniversary slipped past my notice, which honestly isn’t saying that much. As my husband and I joke, one of the reasons we got married in the first place was so we would officially have a date to celebrate our togetherness, since neither one of us could remember when it was that we became a couple. I’m sad to say that I am still not great at remembering the actual date of our anniversary, although I know it’s in August and it’s one of two days. My husband thankfully finds this amusing, although I’m always annoyed when I forget. But to wind back to the actual subject, a few days ago this blog celebrated—or un-celebrated as the case may be—its fourth anniversary.
I’m not sure the date is really worthy of mention; I have not been a faithful blogger through all that time, and there was an entire year where no entries were posted. I’ve never had a huge following, nor did I have a business to support, so there was no pressure to maintain it when other life events became distracting, and life, in these past four years, has been nothing short of one huge distraction. Multiple pregnancies, loss, new opportunities, moving, moving again, and then once more for good measure, new friendships, new roles… I won’t say I’m not thankful that the roiling changes are settling to a simmer or that I’m not grateful that life had become more predictable because I am gratefully thankful for both. But as crazy as those changes were, they are part of our lives, they have shaped us in ways that we may not understand for quite some time yet, and regretting that time is nothing short of completely futile.
It’s Two AM began as a way to document the creative energy and time I spent knitting. I knit in the wee hours of the morning, struggling with insomnia; I knit in between diapers changes and through the aches and pains of pregnancy; I knit with friends, I knit for friends; I knit as I watched TV or as I listened to the creakings of not-so-quiet old houses filled with family; I knit as we traveled together to visit our beloveds, and on our way to new homes far from them.
Even today I knit still. I find the rhythm and repetition soothing and I need something to do with my hands when the rest of my body is stationary. There are times when my needles are lost to many daily distractions as demands for my attention whittle away the hours between rising in the morning and falling in at night. And always I struggle to manage time for my interests, for my responsibilities, and my needs in the context of the interests, responsibilities, and needs that managing a family of six requires. Sometimes it all overlaps, but most often it doesn’t. When I find myself out of balance, and sleep becomes a nightly mental wrestling match with no victor, I will find my way back to my needles, letting the metaphor of the loops and knots and tangles work itself from the metaphysical to the tangible, feeling my body relax, letting my mind slip, creating a fabric, a net, to allow me to catch my breath once again. Knitting is my meditation.
I am so happy that I managed to capture some of that time on this blog; I look over the past posts and am grateful for the snapshot of that life, as it is the same and yet different than the time I spend now. I have so many pictures; now I wish there were words and explanations to accompany them as I have here in this space. It is too easy to forget. I wish somehow that I had caught more of those threads, even as I realize that recording them takes time away from the actual event itself. Yet the act of retelling is somehow its own meditation, and one whose value I had forgotten and have missed. I am glad to be back at it.
But this space and my need for it has changed since I’ve come back. It is not only the knitting that I want to capture and discuss, but all the activities devoted to making that I’d like to record. I may not be able to knit everyday, but there is always something creative going on… or at least being planned. It is messy, there are more projects than there is time, there are more people in this house who like to be creative than just myself… it is exciting. And I no longer feel I can categorize this blog as one that is mainly devoted to knitting.
I’ve been tinkering with the site lately—adding navigation, changing layouts, posting different projects, including more “in progress” process work—to see how it feels. So far I’m liking the changes, and I hope if you joined me a few years ago that you’ll find enough of the old blog hanging around that you’ll stay to see if the new stuff is interesting. I hope if you’re new that you enjoy the mish-mash of projects that are going on and that you won’t mind the occasional knitting post, because there will still be some of that. There will always be some of that.
If I ever was at all, I am no longer a blogger that knits; I am now and always have been a maker that blogs and this space will reflect that. I blog about the projects and thoughts that keep me up way past a decent bed time hour; time flies from the moment I begin something until I notice that, once again, it’s two am.
Thanks for reading, and I hope you’ll stick around!